Sample report
Anxious-Preoccupied
Anxiety 5.6 · Avoidance 2.4 · $9.9 one-off
Illustrative sample — not a real person's report
This is a complete example deep report for the Anxious-Preoccupied style, written with fictional example scores. It shows exactly what the $9.9 report contains — all 9 sections, the score bars, and the quadrant chart. Your own report is written for your type and your scores.
Where you land
You are in the Anxious-Preoccupied quadrant. Scores above 4.0 count as high.
Your profile
You love with your whole attention. When things feel uncertain — a slow reply, a flat tone, a vague plan — your mind fills the gap fast, usually with the worst version. This is not neediness; it is an alarm system tuned to catch disconnection early. When you feel secure, that same attention becomes warmth, loyalty, and a remarkable ability to notice what your partner needs.
Strengths
- You notice small shifts in your partner and respond fast
- You are emotionally honest — what you feel is what you say
- You invest fully; when you commit, you really commit
Blind spots
- You may read neutral signals as rejection
- Reassurance-seeking can become a loop that never quite lands
- You can lose your own plans while tracking the relationship
Where this comes from
Research links this pattern to early experiences of inconsistent comfort — care that was loving but unpredictable, so closeness had to be watched and worked for. It can also grow in adult relationships where reassurance was scarce. The good news is that predictable, steady responses retrain the alarm over time.
What triggers you, what soothes you
Triggers
- Slow replies or sudden distance
- Vague plans and unclear commitment
- Feeling compared to someone else
Soothers
- A quick, specific reassurance, not a generic "calm down"
- A regular check-in rhythm you can count on
- Naming the plan before a busy week
- A short goodnight message on busy days, so silence has a shape
4 everyday trigger scenarios
A reply takes hours
You have checked your phone five times, drafted three messages, and decided something must be wrong — before anything has actually happened.
Plans get cancelled last minute
It is not the plan you miss; it is the story your mind tells about why — that you matter less than the other thing.
Your partner goes quiet after a long day
Their tiredness reads as distance, and you start trying to fix a problem that may not exist.
A friend or ex gets mentioned warmly
A casual mention becomes a comparison, and you spend the evening measuring yourself against a ghost.
Your conflict pattern + 3 repair phrases
Your common pattern: when you feel unsure, your mind jumps to the worst case first. Repair is not about winning the argument — it is about showing you are still there.
2 phrases to avoid
Are you mad at me?
Asked once it is a check-in; asked five times it becomes pressure, and your partner starts hiding their mood to avoid the question.
You never care about me.
Absolute words turn one slow reply into a verdict on the whole relationship, and your partner stops listening to the real need underneath.
Word-for-word scripts
Asking for reassurance without pushing
“I'm feeling wobbly today — my brain is telling me stories. Could you just tell me we're okay? It would really settle me.”
Asking for space without shutting down
“I can see you need some quiet, and my alarm is going off. Could we agree to talk at eight, so I know you are coming back?”
Repairing after a fight
“I came on too strong earlier — I was scared, not angry. Can we start that conversation again, more slowly?”
Saying what you need directly
“What I need is a quick check-in when your day runs late, even just one line, so I don't spiral.”
You with each type
Secure
The most soothing pairing for you: a secure partner's steadiness quiets the alarm, and your warmth keeps them engaged. Friction is small — mostly learning to ask once and trust the answer.
Anxious
You truly understand each other's worry, which feels like being seen. Friction comes when both of you need reassurance at once and nobody feels like the steady one — build a shared check-in ritual.
Avoidant
The classic chase-withdraw loop: you reach for closeness, they step back for space, and both feel misunderstood. It works when you agree explicit rhythms — when to talk, when to pause — instead of reading each other's minds.
Fearful
Two alarm systems can amplify each other: warmth, then a sudden pull-back on either side. What helps is naming the pattern out loud together and keeping one small predictable ritual.
Your 30-day plan
Week 1 — Catch the story
- When the alarm fires, write the fact and the story separately: 'He replied late' versus 'He is leaving me'
- Wait 20 minutes before sending a check-in text — notice what happens in the gap.
Week 2 — Ask once, then trust
- Ask for reassurance once, clearly, then let the answer stand
- Tell your partner one thing that soothes you, so they don't have to guess.
Week 3 — Build your own calm
- Pick one solo practice for anxious evenings — a walk, a shower, a page of writing
- Make a list of three times your worry was wrong. Read it when the alarm fires.
Week 4 — Practise the pause
- Use the repair script once after a real disagreement
- Retake the quiz and notice whether your anxiety score moved.
A letter for your partner
I love deeply, and I worry deeply — the two come as a pair. When I'm unsure, a short, specific reassurance from you settles me faster than anything else. I'm not trying to control you; I'm trying to feel safe with you. If you tell me the plan before a busy week, and check in when things run late, I can relax and be the warm, present partner I want to be.
At work
At work you read the room fast: you notice a manager's flat tone or a colleague's delayed reply and feel it before anyone else does. You thrive on clear feedback and regular check-ins, and you give a lot of loyalty in return. Your blind spot is over-reading neutral signals — a terse email is usually just a terse email — and it helps to ask once, directly, rather than worrying quietly.
Get your own report
Take the 12-question quiz (about 3 minutes). Your deep report is $9.9, one-off — the same 9 sections, written for your type and scores. No account needed.
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A self-exploration tool based on attachment theory — not a clinical diagnosis.